


Goodbye

by Rin_chan32



Series: Cinnaphosweek2018 [5]
Category: Houseki no Kuni
Genre: Angst, Cinnaphos Week, F/F, F/M, Human AU, Other, Suicide, also contains death and mentions alchohol, doctor phosphophydork tries to fix things but messes up majorly, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 02:06:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16630793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rin_chan32/pseuds/Rin_chan32
Summary: Phosphophyllite and Cinnabar’s relationship hasn’t been going so good for the past few months. They’ve been lying about certain things, dates haven’t been as good as before, and they just haven’t been talking as much. But, after a little mess up that Phos did, things changed for the worse and bad things happened one after another.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> TODAY IS ANGST DAY!!!

Phosphophyllite let out an upset sigh as they rested their head on the palm of their hand, looking down at the surface of the coffee brown table they were sitting at. _another date didn’t go well like they planned…_  the teal gem thought, pressing their thin lips together as their eyes moved to look at the other across from them.

 

Cinnabar was sitting at the other side of the table, their hair covering their most likely sad eyes as their very slender fingers tapping against their cheek. The others teal eyes looked at them for a while before they looked at their barely touch food, a sigh leaving their lips and their body moved to look at their partner. “Hey, Cinna? Are you done eating?” They asked with a bit of worry in their voice.

 

The redhead hummed softly before they moved to look at the other before they looked at their food before they gave them a small nod before they looked away once again. “Yea, I’m not that hungry.”

 

“Can you at least eat some more?” Phos asked with a small sigh of worry, earning a upset huff and a frown from the other as they moved to look at them again.

 

“Didn’t you hear me? I said that-”

 

“Cinnabar,” Phosphophyllite said sternly, upset that they had to fight over something stupid again that day. “Just please eat a little more.” The upset redhead looked at them angrily before they let out an angered sigh, snatching their fork from where it laid and stabbed it.

 

“Happy?” Cinnabar barked as they looked at them before they shoved the food that was at the end of their fork into their mouth. Phos wanted to say no because they didn’t like how they executed their request, but to avoid another fight between them they just nodded and looked at the table.

 

It was quiet between them for a while before the teal gem cleared their throat before they reached for their water glass. “How’s work?” they asked, trying to create a conversation so they could get rid of the tension at their table.

 

The other shrugged, “work’s work,” they muttered simple, avoiding the other’s eyes as they continued to eat the food that their partner told them to eat. “Nothing really exciting happened at all recently and it’s just the same as always. What about you?”

 

Phos thought about their work life before they shrugged as well, “pretty much the same as you. The only exciting thing that’s happening is that the office is throwing a party or something, but I’m not going to go.”

 

Cinnabar looked up and looked at them curiously before they looked back at their food and took another bite. “Why Aren't you going to go? I thought that you loved going to parties.”

 

They sighed as they had to think of some sort of excuse to go, but after a while of just sitting there and thinking, they shrugged once more. “I just don’t feel like going and I just feel like staying home and sleeping in for once.” They explained to the other, earning a small hum from the other. Phosphophyllite bit down on the inside of their bottom lip as they looked back down at the table. The truth was that they didn’t want to go because they were going to ask Cinnabar if they wanted to go with them- but they knew that they were going to say no. They never had the time to hang out with each other anymore…

 

“That makes sense,” the redhead muttered, letting out a small sigh before they put their fork down and leaned back in their seat. _At least they ate a little more than before…_  Phosphophyllite thought to themselves as they looked at the other’s plate,  a slow exhale leaving their partially parted lips as they looked at the other.

 

“Hey..” The teal gem muttered as they shifted in their seat, guilt slowly starting to fill their chest as they moved their eyes to look at the table top to look away from the other. “We need to talk about something.” They muttered, their voice almost softer than a whisper.

 

Cinnabar noticed that something was up and looked at them with slight worry in their red eyes, “what do we need to talk about?” They replied softly.

Phosphophyllite was quiet for awhile before they let out a sigh, shifted in their seat, and looked at them for a few seconds before they looked back down at the table. “I…” They started, trailing off as they found themselves unable to speak the words that they wanted to come out of their mouth. “I think that we-”

 

They were interrupted when their server came to their table and stood by them as they asked very sweetly “do you guys want a box?”

 

The now upset gem cursed underneath their breath before they just asked for just one, looking back at Cinnabar, who had their eyebrow raised and waited for the other to finish their question. “Are.. you going to finish?” They asked as they crossed their arms in front of their chest.

 

Phos opened their mouth to to finish their sentence but then decided that now wasn’t the time, shaking their head as they pressed their lips together. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Can I take your food home with me so I can eat it at work tomorrow?”

 

Cinnabar was quiet for a bit before they nodded with a small sigh, “sure, i don’t mind.”

 

“Thanks…” The other replied, forcing a small smile as they pulled the plate closer to them as they waited for the waited for their server to come back with the empty box.

 

Before they were interrupted, Phosphophyllite was going to tell the other that they should break up because things weren’t the same as they used to. And of course they still loved them-- they couldn’t ever hate the other no matter what they did. But… there was a distance between the two now because they never really talked anymore due to work or something. And the fought more recently than not, and they just felt like… they weren’t as close as they were when they first started dating.

 

And it came to the point to where Phos felt like they didn’t tell each other anything and they kept things from each other. When Cinnabar just plainly said ‘work’s work’, the teal gem knew that they were keeping something from them about it and they said the same exact thing as they said the last time their partner asked. And when Phos said that they weren’t going because they didn't feel like going? A simple lie-- they wanted to go to the party with Cinnabar liked they used to in the early days of their relationship, but they knew that the other didn’t want to go, so they made up some random excuse.

 

And while the two of them were in the car together in complete silence, Phosphophyllite felt guilt in their chest because they wanted to tell them about breaking up the entire way to Cinnabar’s apartment, but the words couldn’t leave their mouth and guilt pried at their heart. In the end, they ended up just giving the other a smile and saying goodbye as the redhead left their small car and went to their place. The other’s teal eyes watched them unlock the door and walk in before they closed it, swearing underneath their breath as they backed out of their parking spot and drove back to their place.

 

Phos opened the door, slammed it shut before they fell onto their couch as they let out an angry scream and buried their face in the pillow. They were so conflicted about what to do with the relationship-- should they tell the other that it’s done or should they try to talk to the other and fix things? They didn’t know what to do…

 

Their thin legs started to kick as they screamed once more before they sat up, grabbing their phone and opened it up, their fingers tapping on the screen as they went to Cinnabar’s contact. They typed in, ‘Hey, I think that we should break up since our relationship isn’t going well’, but they changed it after a while to ‘Hey, if I end up going to the work party, do you want to come with?’

 

They watched it send and come up as delivered, staring at their phone screen for what seemed like an eternity before Cinnabar started to type their reply, then stopped for a little bit, then started to type once more before a message popped up at the bottom of their screen saying ‘yea, i don’t mind going with you if I don’t work that day.’

 

The teal gem smiled happily as they felt a bit better by just asking, the guilt going away completely from their chest. _I can fix this, I can make our relationship like it was before_  Phos thought as they gave a hopeful smile to their screen.

 

After that day, they often asked if the other wanted to hang out or something and they hung out for a little bit before phos realized that Cinnabar didn’t really enjoy being taken out places one after another almost  every week. They completely forgot that the other valued their personal space and hated it with a passion whenever someone barged into their space. So, Phos’ plan of fixing their relationship failed completely.

 

And it just got worse when they stopped trying to fix the relationship and let things be.

 

They stopped talking as much as before and it felt like they were hiding stuff from each other once again whenever they asked each other questions and other stuff. When Phosphophyllite asked if the other wanted to hang out during their breaks, Cinnabar always said that they had something else to do and vise versa. And it just got even more worse when the redhead replied that they couldn’t go to the party with them because their manager was going to have them stay later. Phos said that they said that they probably weren’t going to go anyways— which was a lie because they were planning on going just for a little bit.

 

When the day of the party came, they didn’t think much about it as they stood near the wall and watched their co-workers laugh while making fun of each other and drinking alcohol. They took out their phone and thought about messaging Cinnabar and asking if they wanted to go, but they decided that they were probably busy with work or whatever they were doing. After awhile of just staring at their phone screen, they sighed before deciding that they should just leave and get some rest for a bit.

 

But, before they were able to leave, Morganite somehow ending up persuading them to come drink with them and some other co-workers that were there. And stupidly, they agreed and they said yes, completely forgetting about Cinnabar for a little bit until Morga and Goshe left for a quick second so they could get snacks from the table. They messaged their partner ‘Are you still at work?’, waiting for a reply from them but they never did get a reply.

 

Phosphophyllite never thought much about going to the party when they lied to the other about going (and definitely didn’t think too much about it when they were tagged in a whole bunch of stuff) until about a week later when they asked if they could talk. Unusually, Cinnabar read it and didn’t say anything for a few minutes before they started typing, then they stopped, starting typing a little later, and stopped once more before simply saying ‘no’. Phos was about to ask why, but before they could start typing their three lettered question, Cinnabar immediately replied ‘shit, sorry. I meant to send that to someone else, you can come over.”

The teal haired gem looked at the other's messages for what seemed like forever before Phos simply replied okay and stated to head out.

 

When they got into the car, they asked their partner if anything was wrong and they got no answer from the other— which made them really worried since they acted a little weird when they asked if they could come over, and now this.

 

Phosphophyllite parked their car before they walked up the many steps up to their apartment, they knocked on their door and stood there for about a minute. They sighed softly and knocked again before Cinnabar’s voice yelled “it’s unlocked” from the other side of the front door.

 

The teal gem placed their hand on the brass door knob and opened the door, taking a few steps inside and looking into the slightly dark apartment. There was a few lamps on in the living room and in their room and the big light was still off, the room brightening up from the open door. Papers and some books were just stacked up in random places and things scattered on the floor.

 

Phos’ eyes scanned around the room before they scanned around the room before they rested on Cinnabar’s outline, their red hair looking a bit messy and their pale shoulders exposed. They closed the door behind them and took a few steps towards the other, “Hey-“

 

“I thought you told me you weren’t going.” The red haired gem muttered quietly, making the younger one slightly confused.

 

“What?” Phosphophyllite asked, their eyebrows furrowing as they looked at the other one curiously. “What are you-“

 

“That you weren’t going to go to that damn party!” They snapped angrily, moving their head to look at the other angrily. “I was upset already that I had to tell you know and the next thing I know you’re being tagged in all of these pictures about you going.”

 

They suddenly felt bad for not asking them when they were standing against the wall and just  stared at the others contact. “I-I’m sorry, Cinnabar. You said that you had to work and… and I just got curious about it and Morga-“

 

“That’s what you said last time, Phos.” They muttered, looking away again and moving their head to rest on their knees. “You always say that you got curious and you go out and do stuff without me. Do you even care about our relationship anymore?” Cinnabar asked, their voice starting to crack as they spoke.

 

“I’ve been trying to fix this relationship, Cinna!” Phosphophyllite yelled as they stomped their foot down, not wanting the other to think that they were letting this relationship die. “I’ve been trying to fix it for the longest time by having go out and do stuff-“

 

“You’ve been forcing me to do stuff with you! You never ask, you just show up at my doorstep or when I get off work and drag me to go do stuff with you!” Cinnabar argued, turning around looking at them angrily. “You always drag me along with you instead of asking if you want to hang out-“

 

“But at least I’m trying to fix it unlike you!” Phos snapped as they balled their small hands into fists.

 

“Excuse me?” Cinnabar asked, raising their eyebrows as they raised their voice.

 

“You heard me! At least I’m trying to see you all the damn time rather than you always making up excuses to not hang out! And I bet that you weren’t working the last time I asked if you wanted to go somewhere and you were probably locked in here cutting yourself again!”

 

“I’m sorry!?” The redhead asked angrily, their voice cracking again as they stood up. “I told you that I stopped doing that a while ago!”

 

Phos opened their mouth to comment on their reply before they sighed with a frown, “you know what Cinnabar, I think that we should-“

 

“Break up?” They asked with a large frown as well, “I’m fine with that idea.”

 

“Good, because I’m done with you right now.” Phosphophyllite muttered, turning around to leave the others apartment.

 

“I am too.” Cinnabar snapped before they shoved the teal gem out of their messy place before they slammed the door and locked it behind them. Phos stood outside of others door before they sighed, putting their head in their hands as they realized that that wasn’t the way the wanted to tell it to them. They’ll wait until the tension dies out and then they’ll try to slowly make them friends again. Everything will be okay.

 

They went home and laid in their bed, ending up crying themselves to sleep from the words that were exchanged between them. And when they woke up, they messaged them that they were sorry for the stuff they said yesterday, but they never answered their text.

 

So they just assumed that Cinnabar was still upset at them— which was a reasonable conclusion to make since they exchanged harsh words to each other and they liked their space. And Phos didn’t think anything about them not saying anything until they got a call from the others workplace, their manager saying that they haven’t showed up for work in days.

 

The teal gem replied that they never heard anything from them either and that they’ll give them a visit once they go on lunch. And once the clock turned 12 and they could go on a small break, they skipped eating entirely and rushed over to Cinnabar’s place.  They knocked on the door until there was an upset grumble from the other side and the door swung open to reveal an upset redhead. “What do you want?” They snapped with a frown.

 

“Your work called and told me that you haven’t come in for a few days and I came here to see if you were doing okay.” They replied worriedly, having some sort of relief from seeing the others face.

 

“I’m fine, I’m just not feeling well and I keep forgetting to call into work.” They muttered with a straight face, letting out a small sigh as they shifted to lean on one leg.

 

Phosphophyllite looked at the other before they let out a small sigh, “Are you sure that you’re doing fine?” They asked them with concern in their voice.

 

“I said that I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” Cinnabar said as they started to close the door, letting out an angry sigh when the teal gem moved in so they couldn’t closed the door on them.

 

“But-“

 

“Nothing wrong, just leave me alone!” They barked before they slammed the door on them. Phos stayed on their door before they let out a heavy sigh and got up, heading back to their car and heading back to their work.

They never talked after that day, Phosphophyllite didn’t want them to be even more mad at them for barging into their personal space. So they never tried to talk to them or to see how they were doing because… because they wanted to believe that Cinnabar would get better by themselves.

 

And that same believe stayed drilled into their head until a week later when they left to go to work and they got a call from a number they didn’t know. Phosphophyllite stared it for a while before they answered it and pressed the device to their ear, taking a few deep breaths before they opened their mouth. “Hello?” They asked the other quietly.

 

“Hi, this is Jade— I’m Cinnabar’s co-worker,” they replied, their voice sounding worried yet calm as they spoke. “Is this Phosphophyllite?”

 

The teal gem felt their hands get sweaty from it, “Yea, this is Phosphophyllite. Is.. Is something wrong…”

 

“Actually,” Jade started, starting to talk to someone else nearby quietly before they went back to the receiver with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, but we just heard from one of our managers that Cinnabar..”

 

A break as they sighed once more and turned to talk to someone again, making phos stand there worries as they pressed their phone against their hear. “What about them?” They asked, taking deep breaths to calm themselves down.

 

There was silence from the other for a few more seconds, “we heard from one of our managers that Cinnabar has unfortunately passed away. They um… they haven’t showed up for work in at least 2 weeks and they never answered any of our calls. And… this morning someone from our office went by to see if they were doing okay… and they said that their door was unlocked and that they had committed suicide.”

 

Phos’ heart stopped for a second once the other mentioned suicide, their body shaking as they looked at the ground. “I… I didn’t hear anything about that..” they replied, their heartbreaking once they remembered Cinnabar’s last words were ‘I’m fine’ and ‘Nothing’s wrong, just leave me alone’.

 

“I really am sorry about this,” Jade said with sadness in your voice, “they seemed to talk about you a lot and I guess they left something for you as well, but you have our condolences.”

 

“Thank you…” Phosphophyllite muttered, holding back their tears before they listened to the call end, standing where they were as they looked at the ground. They felt their body shake as their lips started to quiver and their eyes started to burn as tears started to form and fall off their face. They couldn’t believe it— even though Cinnabar’s co-worker told them that they died, they couldn’t…

 

The teal gem wiped the forming tears in their eyes away before they went back on their phone, going onto their contact and looking for anything for a sign. They scrolled through all their recent messages to see if they subtly left any messages — nothing whatsoever. “Wh-What..?” They panted, sniffling a bit as they ignored the burning sensation from the oncoming tears.

 

Phos then noticed that they missed a call, the red badge on the upper left with a single 1 showing that they missed a call. They desperately clicked on it and felt terrible once they saw Cinnabar’s contact in red, their lips trembling as their eyes scanned the bottom of the screen and clicked on the little section that said voicemail. And almost immediately, their thumb slamming on the little second their teal eyes saw the others name and pressed it to their ear so they could hear.

 

It was quiet for a little bit before they heard a gentle sigh and a shuffles, “Phos… I-It’s Cinnabar..” the others voice came from the other side of the receiver, making the teal gem stiffen up. “I… I want to apologize for everything, and I’m sorry for lying a lot and… everything I said and I’m sorry for ruining our relationship. This is probably going to be the last time you hear from me—“ there was a pause and a few sniffles in the background along with some sounds of crying. “But I wanted to let you know that, I still love you Phos, and I always will. I’m sorry, and goodbye.”

 

The call ended there, and Phosphophyllite could only stand there and think about what the other said, what their last words were. They let it process through their head as they continued to stand there, tears streaming down their face as they let guilt filled their body. And then before they knew it, they threw their phone onto the ground as they screamed before they fell on their knees and started to cry.

 

They grabbed onto their bangs tightly and started bawling as they felt their chest tighten up from sadness and other emotions they couldn’t describe. Their forehead pressed against the concrete floor as tears fell from their face, their body falling to the side as their sobbed.

 

It was their fault, it definitely 100% their fault that their gone— it’s their fault that they forced them to  hang out and that they went to that party without them. If only that talked to them about fixing their relationship rather than yelling at them and blaming everything on them. If only they messaged them when and asked to hang out to instead of just not talking to them— this wouldn’t have happened if they just talked.

 

Cinnabar’s funeral was the next week and Phosphophyllite told themselves that they wouldn’t cry— and they didn’t for the longest time. They read the letter that they read before they died that explained a lot and in the beginning asked someone to read it to their family. Apparently they hated their job and they weren’t happy at all with it, but they needed the money so they forced themselves to go to work almost everyday. And they also mentioned that they didn’t have the energy or the time to go ahead and look for a better job that they might enjoy better than this one. But, they ended up having to go look for one anyways because they didn’t have enough to pay for rent-- and things got worse for them as they didn’t get accepted for any of the jobs they applied for. So with the burden of having a job they didn’t like, not having enough money to pay their rent, AND not being able to go to a job they would be happier doing, they ended their life.

 

Phos bit their lip throughout the entire service and afterwards from the guilt from now knowing everything about the other and felt that the other’s parents need more support than they do. Their chest always tightened up when Cinnabar’s family or co-workers would always tell them that they were a great partner and said they they always made the other happy and you could see it in their face-- but little did they know that it was Phos’ fault they weren’t here anymore, they didn’t know that they broke up. When they left, they just waved with a sad smile before they left, biting their lip harder once they got into their car and started to go home.

 

And once they got into their apartment and closed their bedroom door, they let the tears roll down their cheeks as they grabbed an old picture of Cinnabar and held it close to their chest. They collapsed on their bed as they bawled, not caring if they were still in their shoes or if their pillow was being drenched with tears— they didn’t care about those stuff anymore.

 

Cinnabar was gone and they couldn’t do any of the fun stuff they did before. No more sweet kisses or seeing their face after Phos’ subtle flirting or sharing scarfs when it started to get cold. No more piggyback rides or staying up late during holidays or surprising the other for their birthday. No more warm hugs or head pats, and no more if seeing Cinnabar’s face and their sweet smiles and happy laughs. It was all their fault they can’t enjoy those things anymore, it’s their fault they were being too complicated. They just should’ve asked what was going on their life besides just being stupid.

 

Phos’ arms hugged the picture tighter as they rolled over and continued to sob, their wet make smudging on their wet pillow as they rolled onto their stomach. It wasn’t that much longer until they had no more tears left to cry and they could only look at their closed door and sniffle as their body calmed down a bit. Their somewhat burning eyes closed tightly as they took in deep breaths and grasped onto their picture tighter. Although the others funeral was just today, they missed them so much— they would do almost anything to be with them again and to feel the others warm touch again.

 

And then Phosphophyllite died almost a month later due to heartbreak.


End file.
